ic

watched this movie last night , "megane" at international cinema last night with friends rachel, becca, joe. it was beautiful but kind of boring. just sayin. made me want to sit on the beach with a big bowl of shaved ice. yeahhhh.

inventory oct 13

bad thing:
1) i read and studied all day long about androgens and antigens and males and females and who's more altruistic but maybe not and then i still epically failed this test for my psychology of gender class. i felt so confident! and then i was so wrong! i did so badly that i was not just disappointed i was shocked and i'm hoping there was some sort of mistake and i'm going to ask my professor. that's how bad.

good things:
1) my roommate breanna left me a can of soda on my bed that i found when i got home that said thank you for being a great roommate. it was raspberry lemonade.
2) my roommate whitney made me banana pecan pancakes for dinner. they were waiting on the counter when i got home.
3) i got 2 letters from william today, one with 3 letters in it that were old, that kept getting sent back to him, AND 1 picture of him and toelupe
4) i checked out some books of poetry tonight: dickinson, graham, william carlos williams, saul williams.

and now i'll read wordsworth, the old testament, and lay me down to sleep. what a day.

oh yeah

did i mention that i met iron and wine? in late august, i got off work and went up to salt lake for their summer concert series. it was so so crowded and there were a billion too many people there because it was free, BUT he was wonderful, and the best part was not even the show although the show was really magical, it was before the show when carol ann, i, and two gentlemen were walking up to the show after parking, and i spotted him across the street and said "you guys, i'm sure that's him". he was having a quick smoke outside of a bar across the street. and the two unnamed gentlemen didn't believe it so they continued on (to some quikmart?) while carol ann and I crossed the street and had the nicest talk with sam beam. i was really nervous. i was SO nervous. this is pretty much how the conversation went, if memory serves:

ca: hi. (shakes hands) i'm carol ann.
me: hi, my name's lauren. (i pointed to my chest instead of shaking hands. IDIOT)
sb: hi, it's very nice to meet you both.
... something something, it came up that i'm from virginia....
me: oh yeah, and i uhh....i was researching you....uhh before i came and i read that you used to go to VCU.
sb: yeah, i did. i lived in oregon hill.
me: when were you there?
sb: umm...'92 to '96 i believe.
me: oh. yeah...i was tiny baby then.
....and it ended with well wishes and we said we were excited about the show and we left.

i was sad that we didn't take a picture with him but carol ann was proud of us for not being annoying. which speaks to how much cooler carol ann is than i am, because i just wanted proof for my progeny that it actually happened. this blarg will have to do. anyway, it was a cool night, and definitely a highlight of the summer. i miss you already, summer.

watch this when you're really longing for the good ol' dog days.

today

today i ran a mile without stopping or hating it. it was great!
i rode bikes with my friend lori. we peeked in at the goodies in provo bakery.
i washed a blanket loaned to me so many months from daniel-san.
i worked from 12-6. i felt very tired. i got some relationship advice from rachel/rivka. i felt enlightened.
i ate some grits with honey.
i worked on some chemistry homework.
i prepped my RS lesson for tomorrow.
i am about to get ready for bed.

today i felt : happy, proud of myself, energized, loved, hungry, very tired, introspective, bored, ugly and pretty!, grateful, lonely, blessed, ...tired again. i need to sleep. sorry this blog is SOOOO BORINGGGG

i climbed to the almost top of this

this is mount timpanogos. i went on a whim with my roommate carol ann and friends. we started at the base at midnight and got to the top at a quarter to 6 am, about? when i say top i mean some people went all the way up, but i reached a point (at the almost top i would add) when i did not feel bad about not continuing any further. so i sat, enjoyed the view, got a short cry in, and then it was freezing. luckily two nice men came and asked if i would like to continue to walk slowly between them, for my own safety. they were nice and i met up with the group again and started back down happily. i stopped talking after about 3 hours so as not to say anything irritable/hateful to anyone. The hike took 9 hours. needless to say, MY BODY HURT.

i am still recovering as i ate a popsicle and some chips for dinner beforehand and i barely exercise. it was beautiful though and i'm glad i can say i did it now.

other things are good. just sent a package to william including tape/pix/werther's. felt good about it.

also yesterday was a beautiful, peaceful sunday. ate some delicious ratatouille. laughed. held baby mosaea.

boop boop booooo

it is a comfortable BILLION degrees right now because the swamp cooler did me a favor and set up camp in the farthest away room from where i sleep. i am making do. and when i say that i mean sleeping nekkid tonight.

work is alright. yesterday-pioneer day-we caught up a lot without any bothersome patrons in the way and even got free pizza and donuts! and water. because we're HEALTHY OKAY. also for a vegetarian i accidentally eat meat a lot. and sometimes on purpose if i'm real hungrylazy. but this time yesterday on the pizza was an accident. i do want to bebetter about that. i might be well on my way to feeding a vegan for the rest of mylife? what then? so i got a recipe book out tonight when i left. i'm starting with cupcakes and working my way down.

speaking of being veg4lyfe reminds me of when i was at home recently and my mom, out of the goodness of heart, made a special vegetarian lasagna for me so i could feel full like the others. and she was careful to show everyone my pan and "don't eat that one" "this one's got the meat in there". so i preeshiated that. UNTIL I CUT INTO MINE AND IT WAS FULL OF BEEF. and then she had some 'splainin to do. and then "i had to use up the rest of my meat sauce!"and it was all for naught. BUT i forgive her and venerate her effort. she did have sweet intentions. and she did give birth to me in conjunction with a complimentary steak dinner deal at the hospital. so it was prob in the stars for me anyway.

outsideofthat, the space bar sticks. and also feelingwell but kind of weird lately. roommates are gone visiting whiterney bush and i am here working. went to a real salt lake soccer game with melinda and rando boys last night. it was fun. they shot off fireworks after and it was beautiful.
me and meagan are singing in church tomorrow too so i'm real nervous but hope i sound ok.

so tired. need sleep but so hot and so much on the brain.

also it has been a hot minute since i wrote on here.

things on the brain since may:
- family. i have a great family. need them around.
- worried about meagan lindsey lincoln mom dad maribeth grandma melinda william maderin me
-how many months out now? what i have been doing?
-work work work. money inthe bank
-read a book already.done!
-i still want to go to france
-open yourmind! strategize! create! be,man, be!

i read 2 books recently actually: The Color Purple and The Diaries of Adam and Eve:

"wheresoever she was, there was eden"

"But one day when I was sitting quiet and feeling like a motherless child, which i was, it come to me: that feeling of being part of everything, not separate at all. i knew that if i cut a tree, my arm would bleed. and i laughed and cried and i run all around the house...when it happen, you can't miss it."

"...praise God by liking what you like"

good grief. must sleep. goodnight.

dream

last night i had a dream that i was eating at a low-lit restaurant (that just recently had been a grocery store?) and a couple came up to me with papers in hand asking if i was myself. they had a story i had written with characters: Juan Rodriguez, and a woman (can't recall the name) and were trying to find me because the story i wrote exactly described their real lives!

weird.

also, i woke up at a brisk 10:45. really need to get on top of that.

lyfe

pros of late:
- i'm really enjoying all my classes: intro to women's studies, poly dance, and stained glass.
- i like my job. even if it's boring sometimes. i see all the latest books! i'm always in the know!
- i am teaching relief society tomorrow. i'm branching.
- i have my own room for the first and maybe only time in my life. it feels great. i have my own space. i can throw my clothes wherever. i can toot around. it's the best.

cons of late:
- hurt a heart while being dumb.
- still with the zits.
- watched 'music and lyrics' last night.
- i have had 'frozen river' out from my netflix forever now. no one wants to watch it with me! i'm going to cancel it.

other than that, things are good. i'm in the library working because my laptop is dead. i just saw a girl i met freshman year because she had a uva hat on. i had asked her about it, she was dating a boy at uva, and i was too! it was wild. now, wilder, she's married to not that guy, i'm hanging out, and one boy who might not have been in LA, is. life is weird. but also great.

i'm excited to be a bridesmaid for rach.

i'm excited to go home!

90! grandma!

sermon on love*

"Let me tell you about love, that silly word you believe is about whether you like somebody or whether somebody likes you or whether you can put up with somebody in order to get something or someplace you want or you believe it has to do with how your body responds to another body like robins or bison or maybe you believe love is how forces or nature or luck is benign to you in particular not maiming or killing you but if so doing it for your own good.
"Love is none of that. There is nothing in nature like it. Not in robins or bison or in the banging tails of your hunting dogs and not in blossoms or suckling foal. Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God.
"You do not deserve love regardless of the suffering you have endured. You do not deserve love because somebody did you wrong. You do not deserve love just because you want it. You can only earn - by practice and careful contemplation - the right to express it and you have to learn how to accept it. Which is to say you have to earn God. You have to practice God. You have to think God - carefully. And if you are a good and diligent student you may secure the right to show love. Love is not a gift. It is a diploma. A diploma conferring certain privileges: the privilege of expressing love and the privilege of receiving it.
"How do you know you have graduated? You don't. What you do know is that you are human and therefore educable, and therefore capable of learning how to learn, and therefore interesting to God, who is interested only in Himself which is to say He is interested only in love. Do you understand me? God is not interested in you. He is interested in love and the bliss it brings to those who understand and share that interest.
Couples that enter the sacrament of marriage and are not prepared to go the distance or are not willing to get right with the real love of God cannot thrive. They may cleave together like robins or gulls or anything else that mates for life. But if they eschew this mighty course, at the moment when all are judged for the disposition of their eternal lives, their cleaving won't mean a thing. God bless the pure and holy. Amen. "

**** not doctrine, not from Conference; an interesting excerpt from Paradise by Toni Morrison

update

time for my now monthly blog update, as i was just reminded that it exists again. it kind of baffles me that i can't keep pace with the rest of the internet-savvy universe even though i am on the computer every day. usually 3 or 4 times over. is it possible to check your gmails for an HOUR? i like to think that i'm reading up on important current events or staying on task with my homework, but in reality when i get on the NY Times website every day i usually end up reading just the headlines and then most of the style section. i really need to get informed. i'm so out of it, and a sorry excuse for an american! to say the least.

in the meantime i ended up watching this like 3 times today and laughed so hard! http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2960720665/
maybe it's me or just today, i don't know. but except for the dirty parts - kind of funny.

in my real life not my fake virtual life, things have been not too bad. here's a gist of some recent occurences:

- it's the last full week of school! i am stressed but at the same time keeping ignorant of all i have to do. it's better this way? the weather has been so nice though.

- i had been sick the past few days with a sore throat and mucho phlegmo but i'm doing better now and it's calmed down to my favorite stage of sexy-raspy voice! i've gotten some "eww"s and some say it's too different from my regular voice, but whenever this happens i always want to make it last longer. maybe it's the cuteness, maybe it's the added mystery but for some reason it feels nice to feel like someone else for a while. someone sexier than me. haters can hate.

- yesterday i had lunch with my good friend greg caldwell at smokehouse pizza! it was delicious and fun and they really came through as far as their reputation for poor service. we waited for super long. we speculated though that it might be a ruse to make the pizza taste better once you finally get it and if that's true, then it absolutely works. i left happy as a clam full of pizza.

not much else is on. i'm excited for school to finish and spring to start. if there are any suggestions for fitness classes i should take, they are more than welcome.

love, lauren.

shoot dude - DAY 120ish?

i am the worst blogger ever. i haven't even thought about this since january.
and so much has happened!

for example:
- we went to visit madeline and spent a day in san fran
- madeline is on the mish in NJ
- i watched some movies
- i went to that place
- new pen pals
- briana's oboe recital the other night
- rach got engaged!
- i will be there as a bride's maid!
- ripped my jeans
- i've read a TON
- stock market's crazy!
- etc etc

i hope my posterity doesn't read my journal/access my blog with too much hope for insight or inspiration. i will seem like a hare-brained nutty professor type. everything's happening so quickly and none of it makes sense together in retrospect. speaking of, what happened to february? and oh hey, what's up march.

DAY 51

i had a really nice christmas break at home in richmond, virginia. the best home i ever knowed.
now though, it's back to the grind. today marks the end of my first week back at school. i hope to make straight A's and turn all the jokes about my slacker work ethic on their backsides! so there!
here are my resolutions for 2009:
-make straight a's
-turn jokes on backsides
-stick it to the man (uncle marshall)
-read 50 books
-write
-be better

easy enough. also, i can't believe it's been 51 days since william's departure. time is really flying.
one thing i wanted to do was start learning spanish this year too, partly so i could know what william was saying if he ever sent me letters in code. here is a montage of photos that represent my prior experiences with hispanic language and culture:

pictured: The Three Amigos (top), me disgruntled at Cafe Rio (bottom)

i don't know how much more culture will even fit in me, but i am going to try.
one thing that revived this particular resolution for me, happened at work today:
i was putting away DVDs when a man next to me points to the movie "A Christmas Carol" and asks "....es..esScrooge?" to which i could only smile and say, "Uhhh yes, es.. Scrooge."


i'm excited for 2009 however fast i hope it flies. roco la fiesta!

DAY 27

i have never been so bold in all my life.

it's not like me at all.

also, i remembered my paper was due today and i pumped out 7 pages in 3 hours!
BOOYAH GRAMMA

hurry up santa! i want to go home!

DAY 22

two more days of fall semester 2008 and i am doing ok actually. i have so much to do, it is 3:20 in the AM, i have a paper to write after this paper, but i feel ok and i'm not really worried about it. my body is starting to hurt though.

my to do:
meet w/ lavay and write my service experience
write about 8 service hours for intro to health professions....blah
finish this english theory paper
2 cultural activity write-ups for french
study for 291 exam
read "moll flanders" before thurs morning
take 291 exam!
buy william's bday present tomorrow
send william's bday present by tomorrow
call liz
study for french test/take it tomorrow
call mom
sleep by friday
study study study
test test test
booty booty booty

but then it's christmas!



back to work...

DAY 18

things are getting so busy. pretty sure the world wants you to hate everything before you settle down to enjoy christmas. but i have managed to get in the spirit anyway! i've watched "white christmas" twice already and last night i went to see the play "a christmas carol" with an interactive open stage and everything. it was really fun! and i surprised myself and cried! i guess i've never really thought about how much that play relates to the Atonement but last night it was really ringing true for me how living like the Savior can completely change our natures and make us so much more happy. it's the reason for the season. and our existence. after that we went to Pudding on the Rice and it was semi-good. i still can't decide.

i've kind of let time slip by so here is a montage of internet-found pics that represent what i've been doing lately:

going to work/looking at webcomics



checking the mail

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=1359+New+Market+Rd.+Richmond,+VA+23231&sll=37.926868,-95.712891&sspn=27.813362,79.101563&ie=UTF8&ll=37.483525,-77.394326&spn=0.007271,0.019312&t=h&z=16&g=1359+New+Market+Rd.+Richmond,+VA+23231&iwloc=addr&layer=c&cbll=37.482047,-77.394194&panoid=qpzttHZ1E1ZEzzAd8_E0PQ&cbp=12,241.79459669429332,,0,-2.727462218765226

wanting to go here

DAY 12

this blog is off because i do it so late it counts for the day before. :( yesterday, saturday, the whole fam dambly went up to salt lake to see the christmas lights. it was b-yootiful. again, i was wanting my camera to work but i realize now that rechargeable batteries must be charged even before you use them. what a hoax! time is money and i feel a little robbed so far. or william was a little robbed so far.

anyway, today, sunday, not really today because that would be monday, was alright. this girl holly in my ward invited me to eat lunch with her and some boys that she liked came too. then damon picked me up and i had a regular mcneil sunday sans maderin :( but like i was one o' the gang. it was so nice. what a sweet sweet nice fun nice family. also the rolls were SLAMMIN'! i must f'real get that recipe.

my friend ian just rode over on his bike in 34 degrees of coooold to make sure i could watch 'motorcycle diaries' before tomorrow. what a guy. i hope he is showered with blessings and christmas spirit.

and now i must start/finish my 3 page paper. yes, i know what time it is. goodnight kind of!

DAY 10

i wish my blog didn't look so boring. i wanted to take pictures of the feast and family yesterday but my camera wasn't working :(

i've been so lazy lately. my whole body clock is off! look at me! it's almost 2 in the morning! the wisest peeps have been asleeps for hours! when i finish this i'm climbing into bed. literally. i have the top bunk. its kind of an ordeal.

i watched some of 'elf' at tua's house with the fam. i hung out there all day. we went to the mall around 8 with the kids. they are the cutest little buttons i know. then we watched 'get smart' when we got home. i'm grateful for family: brothers/sisters, mummas/papas, old/new.

DAY 9

happy franksgiving!

today i am grateful for:
- little bitty babies
- mashed potatoes
- tiny sugar houses
- a warm bed to fall into

goodnight already!

DAY 8

yesterday marks a month til christmas, and less than that til i get to go back to the home of my heart: richmond. i'm excited :D

today i was really independent mostly because there was nobody around. most of my roommates left last night to go home for thanksgiving and so i had the day to myself.
i went to the library and read some and flipped through magazines.
i walked to the store and bought a few things since my cashflow will only permit a few things, and carried them all home.
i watched my whole lauryn hill dvd.


it was a really therapeutic day in some respects. in other respects it was lonely. i was by myself the whole time. plus i haven't heard one peep from william for a week now. his p-day was yesterday i know and today i still only got coupon catalogs in the mail. i brought them inside and stomped on them for a little bit. i'm not crazy.
i sent him a package yesterday so it got there today-finally with my return address. i can't really understand why we didn't work that out beforehand. anyway, i hope it doesn't take another week for him to respond. this week, a day felt like a week. so something needs to happen.

the good news is: sara got here tonight. i spent most of the night hanging out at tua's with everybody. it was fun, tomorrow is looking even better.

in other news: my dad is on facebook.
(note to self: take down those pictures of me "freak dancing".)

DAY 7

today i took a piece of my old pita bread over to the ducks for a little treat. i feel bad for feeding them but these particular ducks are so far gone anyway, i decided it was more an issue of original sin for whoever fed them first. plus they are so cute.

anyway it was so funny! they all came up and then i started throwing bread to them while i circled the pond and they swam all around the edges. i almost wish i had been watching me do it. that's how cute i bet it was.

DAY 5 - DAY 6

the internet at my mansion house was out last night so i couldnt blarg. i'm not really looking forward to staying here next semester but i don't want to move either so i'm just not thinking about it right now.

last night lori, rach, and rob came over for cocoa and fun. oanh briefly brought brownies. it was really nice. it feels good to be among friends. i feel lonely for one person but not lonely all around.

BUT i started/finished my first letter to william. he hasn't written me yet and i thought it was because he didn't know my address, but now i think it's because he's just been too busy. his p day's on tuesday so i'll have to wait and see i guess...

this is a quote by salvador dali that i've been thinking about lately:
"Intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings."

here is another quote by dali:
"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it."

here is another one:
"I don't do drugs. I am drugs."

maybe what i most want to get out of my english lit major is to become a "character" myself. i envy eccentric people.

DAY 4

today went smooth and easy.

firstly, i love working at the library. i might want to do it for the rest of my life as long as i could be in there every day. i already have 6 books at home ready to be read over thanksgiving break.

then at 6 i was off and i borrowed "dave chappelle's block party" from a guy in my ward and just finished watching it with madeline. IT WAS SO GOOD. i knew it would be. if i could i would be lauryn hill. be her.


i dont know why but watching block party just now kind of gave me a little more hope in humanity. there's so much that's violent and awful in the world and it's powerful to see people come together, wanting to uplift each other. more and more lately i've been trying to route out how i could become the type of famous person that inspires by music? art? pen?

i'm content to sit back and listen/learn for now but i hope one day when i'm older and wiser i'll have stored enough sense to say something worth listening to.

oooh la la la

DAY 3

today at work i only had a few minutes left, so i started to help this girl in children's finish the rest of her cart. after a few minutes i approached the cart at the same time she did and said good-naturedly, "how's it going?" to which she responded:
"no offense, and i'm having a really bad day, but i really prefer doing carts by myself because you're over there, she's over there, and there's no room for me to be and i just feel useless..." [this is when she grabs a chair and tries to move it past another girl but she does it too hastily and drops it] ...she comes back over to me, who is still flabbergasted at the cart and says "ok well...would you mind finishing it for me? i just don't have the patience for this right now." then she stormed away.

wow. wow! i thought i was having it kind of rough. and i've lost it (crying) at work before but it was awful enough for me to never let it happen again. anyway, i wrote her a note and left it in her locker. i hope hope hope her name is kat. i think it is but if not, stranger, i am truly sorry. but have a great weekend!

DAY 2

was hard. I woke up and put some laundry in. Ate a muffin that my sweet roommates left out for me with a note.

I met Briana, and a few other people at the MOA Cafe for lunch. It was light because I'm broke. Then I tried to read some for my class at 1:30. Not very successful.

I came home and checked my email. Looked at pictures on facebook and then I had to be at work by 4:00. It's really a blessing to be working again. Heaven knows I need the money and it's taking up a lot of time that I would be sulking in my room I think. I don't really think that me getting my job back again was a coincidence.


I like it there.


This guy Jeff in my ward asked me if I wanted to see "The Dark Knight" at the dollar theatre with him and his roommates. It was a good distraction I guess but so depressing and intense. I should have seen Twilight maybe. They dropped me off after and I realized my keys were locked inside my house. I ran around to the side door to try to get in and so they wouldn't see me standing there knocking. Whitney and Chelsey turn in around 10 so I figured they would be out of it. Luckily, I walked over to Jaime's house and the baby was keeping them awake at all hours so they were up when I knocked on the door. We talked about today and I told them it was hard and I was sad. Then I fell asleep on their floor until Madeline called and picked me up at 2:30 to come back home.

Now I'm in my pjs and so so ready to sleep. I felt so strange all day. I'm hoping that first letter will lift my spirits. I'm probably not as sad as I sound, I hope. Just need a lift.
I can't think of anyone I'd rather get a letter from.

DAY 1

today marks the start of something very good.

i have been setting an alarm when i get in the shower so i only take 15 min. to save time! but i always have to reach my hand out and press the snooze button. i took 30 min today.

at 9 we went to see eric paat (one of william's missionaries from c-ville) sashay those hips for his dance exam, then

at 10 we all walked over to the marb for mission prep with brother randy bott, where william announced his mission call to the class. bro. bott asked me if i would wait in front of the whole class and i said yes and i really meant it.

at 11 we walked back to eric's house and got william's bags. then we went to taco bell for a quick bite of the last fake mexican food william will have in a long time.

at about 12, we pulled up to a massive crowd at the MTC. we dropped off our luggage and found the fam, took pictures, and filed in for the big show. i started getting weepy before the meeting even started, but they were tears for a good cause at least. it was hard to take it all in because i was so anxious about saying goodbye, but soon the prayer was over, and we stood up slow and shook hands and looked at each other with big watery eyes and knew it would be really hard but very very worth it.


i came home and cried and cried and then walked to a lecture about optometry. it was a solitary walk but i know all my weird feelings will go away soon.
after class, to help my grief pangs, i went to dearelder.com and wrote my first note to the best/cutest missionary to ever set sail for LA.


i really am excited to see what happens and as someone's mom would say all i have to do now is take each day and "untie the ribbons"